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The Rex Barton Story Chapter 13

The Rex Barton Story Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The Seaweed Nymph

It was scorching hot July summer day. This seasonal was no exception. At approximately one thirty in the afternoon, Red and I received a call of a minimally clad seaweed only, mermaid girl running around in the college park area of Isla Vista. IV, as it was called, was the bedroom community and dorm apartments of the University of California Santa Barbara (UCSB).

We arrived at the park just in time, before a couple of football type pioneers grabbed the girl by both her arms and started escorting her to their apartment for a private show. We could only imagine they had other things in mind for this girl as well.

I honked the horn in our patrol car in an attempt to get their attention and motioned for them to come over. It worked only momentarily. They stopped, looked, laughed, and turned around with the Seaweed Nymph being held up between them as they were hurriedly trying to get-away.

Red and I got out of our patrol unit and began walking up behind the group of ballplayers and gave them the warning to let go of the girl and leave the area. I gave them one more warning to let her go or visit my house. They looked Red and I over once then released her arms and walked away. They weren't real smart trying to challenge Red and me, but they did let the naked, drunk and foul mouth girl go. What they accomplished today was avoiding charges and jail time.

Miss mermaid, had a familiar smell of wet, dank seaweed, urine and alcohol, but that was not all the problems. She was wiped out on LSD intoxication as well. Alcohol and LSD together is a bad combo. In other words, she was about as wiped out as any surfer or would be seaweed nymph could be and still be upright.

Unlike any other mermaid I ever meant, she wasn't swimming but walking around on two feet exposing herself to anyone who would look and watch her little jumping up and down tricks in the park on a hot day. She had been flicking dried and wet seaweed on and off of her body, exposing herself to the onlooking crowds of kids and perverts.

People were yelling, cheering, and egging her on. Bands were playing too loud, beer was flowing easily to many underage kids, and many girls would be in trouble before this day was done. Away from mom and dad, free booze and loud dance bands bred nothing but big problems. Red and I knew we would most likely be back out to IV a few times this day before our shift was over. It was just one of those kinds of hot weekend days.

LSD was the preferred high of the sixties and binge drinking. Even when I would work narcotics on occasion, it just did not make sense to me why people wanted to hide their so-called fun in alcohol, drugs, and little white pills. I would learn later the whys when narcotics and cartels became my main job — for now, just keeping my head down while in the trenches made for a better game plan. The target on my back was still growing.

When Jenny and I divorced, Jenny took the kids and moved down to San Diego for a while. I felt good about her move and getting away from me. She didn't have to contend anymore with being hurt driving home at night or dodging bullets being shot at our house. The problem for me was the distance, and I would miss the kids terribly. Life with Hawk was dangerous. Annie understood and accepted it much better. She was even a little more prepared.

I took the little Mermaid by her shoulder and walked her toward the patrol car. She danced and jumped around, thinking everything was fun and games until I put her hands behind her back and put the handcuffs on. Then the vulgar screaming, kicking and spitting started. I have been in the military, and I thought I knew most every curse word there was and a few extras that I may have made up, but this little filly had all the military services put together beat, with her livid, loud and nasty-vulgar tongue.

Once inside my patrol unit, I thought her nasty curses would calm down, but they didn't. It got worse. It was going to be a long fifteen-mile journey back to the Sheriff's Department. Red just laughed the entire trip back to the station. Then another surprise occurred. Miss mermaid rejected the blanket I placed around her after putting her into the patrol car's back seat.

Once we got onto the freeway, the nymph put both feet up on the screen barrier behind my seat which separates prisoners from deputies. It was a safety thing. The next thing that happened was I felt something wet and warm being sprayed on my neck and shoulders.

Then the smell and Reds hysterical laugher made me understand what was going on. This little Mermaid was not very nice Mermaid at all. She was peeing on me from the back seat. I was not sure if my patrol car could ever be cleaned for duty again, but we tried to hose it out once we got back to the motor pool.

Red took the Mermaid in for booking, walking her straight into the booking office as we found her. Stark naked in front of everyone. Oh, I wouldn't have wanted to be her when she came out of her walking drug-induced coma.

As for me, I took the patrol unit to the garage and started hosing not only the inside of the patrol unit out, but taking my shirt off and hosing it and my top half as well. Everyone in the garage thought that it was funny — everyone but me.

Red finished booking the little five-foot two-inch Mermaid and turning her over to the female deputies to hose down and dress. Of course, he had to relate to everyone else why I could not join him. I could hear the laughter from across the street at the motor pool. Rather than wait for my patrol car to dry, I checked out another one drove back home showered and changed clothes and set out again for the station to finish my reports.

When I sat down in the log room, all I heard was Red laughing so hard he nearly busted a gut. I just stared at him and warned him that one day he would step in a pile of crap and not be able to rid himself of the stench. It just made him and many others laugh louder.


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